Parents Face Challenges as Son Lives at Home with No Responsibilities

Parents are increasingly encountering difficulties with adult children who remain at home without contributing to household responsibilities. A recent letter to advice columnist Abby highlights the struggles of a Texas mother, referred to as “Exasperated Mom,” whose 20-year-old son lives at home without paying rent or assisting with chores.

In her letter, the mother describes her son as someone who works full-time but has not taken on any financial responsibilities at home. Despite an earlier agreement to cover his car insurance, he has not done so. The situation escalated when he moved his girlfriend and a dog into the family home without permission. The mother notes that her son has been dealing with issues of anxiety and depression, which he claims to manage with marijuana.

Attempts to discuss future plans or responsibilities with him result in heated arguments, often culminating in destructive behavior. “We could kick them out,” she writes, “but we’re afraid he’ll then move to a bad neighborhood.” This highlights a growing concern among parents about balancing support with the need for their children to become independent.

Abby responded by emphasizing the importance of setting boundaries. She suggested that the parents clearly communicate expectations regarding their son’s living situation. They should encourage him to use his earnings to save for an apartment, giving him a deadline to move out. Abby also pointed out that if the son reacts violently, such as by punching walls, they should not hesitate to seek assistance from law enforcement.

In another letter, a woman in her early 30s, identified as “Worried Millennial,” expressed her concerns about leading a child-free life. She believes that in the current climate—marked by rising costs, social injustices, and climate change—having children is irresponsible. Her worry centers on the fear of being alone and without care in old age.

Abby reassured her that having children as a form of security in old age is not a reliable plan. She encouraged the woman to focus on her financial future by consulting with legal and financial advisors to ensure she has adequate resources for her later years.

A third letter from “Still Waiting” in Pennsylvania raised a different issue regarding marital finances. The writer noted that despite both partners working, her husband retains the entirety of their tax refund, refusing to share any portion with her. Abby’s response highlighted the importance of communication and fairness in financial matters within a marriage. She characterized the husband’s behavior as selfish and controlling, suggesting that the writer should assert her right to a share of the refund.

These letters reflect broader societal issues regarding relationships, financial independence, and personal responsibilities among young adults. As parents navigate these challenges, the need for open communication and clear boundaries becomes essential in fostering a sense of responsibility in their adult children.