Mother Overcomes Postpartum Depression to Advocate for Others

Following the birth of her twins, Ivana Poku faced a challenging battle with postpartum depression, ultimately transforming her experience into a source of strength for others. Living in Scotland, Poku’s ordeal began when her twins were just a few months old. Alone at home, she felt an unsettling urge to harm one of her babies, a moment that forced her to confront the severity of her mental health struggles.

“It was like something possessed my brain and my body,” Poku recalled. Recognizing the danger, she quickly secured her baby and isolated herself in her bedroom, grappling with feelings of terror and confusion. She emphasizes that these thoughts were a symptom of an illness, not a reflection of her true desires.

Poku, who was 32 at the time, had experienced a gradual decline in her mental health since the birth of her children. Although she was never officially diagnosed with postpartum depression, she suspects her condition might have bordered on postpartum psychosis. Instead of the expected joy and love that new mothers often feel, she experienced numbness and guilt, sentiments echoed by clinical psychologist and trauma expert Dr. Shahrzad Jalali.

“Postnatal mood changes are more common than many people realize,” Dr. Jalali stated. “About 70 to 80 percent of new mothers experience what we call the ‘baby blues’ in the first few days after giving birth. When symptoms last longer or interfere with daily functioning, we consider it postnatal depression, affecting roughly one in seven globally.”

Poku’s experience was marked by overwhelming feelings of inadequacy. “I didn’t feel happy,” she reflected. “I thought that made me a horrible mother.” The silence of her new life, devoid of friends or family support due to a recent move, compounded her isolation. “Most of the time it was just me,” she explained, underscoring the critical need for community support during this challenging period.

Despite receiving pamphlets and contact information for support lines, reaching out felt impossible. “You don’t know you have depression,” she noted, “you just feel like you’re failing.” The turning point came when a friend visited unexpectedly and saw her despair. “There was no way I could hide it,” Poku said. The absence of judgment from her friend was liberating, and with her husband’s encouragement, she began to understand the importance of compassion for herself.

As Poku began to recover, she recognized a calling to help others navigate similar challenges. She founded Mum’s Journey, a blog where she candidly discusses the realities of motherhood and postpartum mental health. Her mission expanded with the publication of her book, “Motherhood: The Unspoken,” which compiles stories from mothers worldwide, offering comfort to those experiencing similar struggles.

Through her work, Poku aims to equip expecting mothers with the knowledge and support necessary to face the challenges of new motherhood. “If I had known those feelings were normal,” she said, “I wouldn’t have struggled in silence.” Dr. Jalali supports this sentiment, emphasizing the vital role of education and community in addressing postpartum depression.

“The most important thing is for a woman to know they’re not alone,” Dr. Jalali advised. “If a mother notices persistent sadness or intrusive thoughts, she should reach out to a healthcare provider.” Support from family and friends is crucial; even a simple check-in can make a significant difference.

Today, Ivana Poku is a mother of three, a maternal mental health advocate, and a trusted mentor for women experiencing similar challenges. Her lived experience has become a lifeline for many, demonstrating the profound impact of sharing one’s journey. “Many mothers have told me I helped them more than a psychologist,” she said. “Maybe because I’ve been there.”

Poku continues to work tirelessly to dismantle the stigma surrounding postpartum mental illness, ensuring that no mother feels alone in her fight.