Expecting Mother Navigates Baby Shower Etiquette and Registries

An expecting mother is grappling with the complexities of planning a baby shower for her second daughter, due in March 2024. While both families eagerly anticipate celebrating this milestone, she faces challenges regarding the etiquette of baby registries and gift expectations. This will be the first baby shower for the family, as they lived too far away during her first pregnancy.

Having experienced two miscarriages prior to this pregnancy, the upcoming event holds significant emotional weight. The mother wishes to frame the gathering more as a “baby sprinkle” rather than a traditional shower, focusing on creating an enjoyable atmosphere for friends and family. Despite her excitement, she feels conflicted about the potential perception of being greedy for having a registry for a second child.

The mother created a registry as a personal wishlist, including items that vary significantly in price. For example, it features an automatic soothing bassinet priced at $300 and a supportive chair for $150, which she does not expect anyone to purchase. Instead, she has considered thrift shopping to find these items at a fraction of the cost, even spotting a used version of the bassinet for just $25.

As the date approaches, guests have expressed interest in accessing the registry to select gifts. The mother is unsure how to communicate her feelings about the registry without offending anyone. She wants to convey that while she appreciates the kindness of her friends and family, there is no obligation to purchase anything.

In addressing her concerns, etiquette expert Miss Manners suggests that the mother could consider creating two separate lists or possibly abandoning the public registry altogether. If guests persist in seeking gift ideas, Miss Manners recommends suggesting general categories—like “books,” “diapers,” or “funny onesies”—rather than specific high-price items.

By encouraging guests to think creatively about their gifts, the mother may avoid unwanted or duplicate items and create a more meaningful experience for everyone involved. This approach could also lead to guests opting for higher-end items themselves, guided by a relative’s suggestions.

As the mother prepares for her upcoming celebration, she is reminded that the true essence of the gathering lies in the joy of family and friends coming together, rather than the material aspects of gift-giving.

In a separate inquiry, another reader sought guidance on how to respond to the common question, “How much did you pay for that?” Miss Manners humorously suggested a straightforward reply: “Why? Did you want to buy it from me?”

For those seeking further advice, inquiries can be directed to Miss Manners via her website or email.